My wife loves talking during sex.
Last night she called me from the Hotel.

I tell my wife that I have loved her since our first meeting 15 years ago.
This is not true.
I have loved her far longer than that.
I fell in love with her from the time my parents told me my very first fairy tale.
Every night, Tucked beneath the warm blanket, with one on each side of me, my parents told me stories of love and its triumph.
They were a classic act those two. My mum and my dad.
My mum filled my heart with visions of burning passion. Of substance that transcended the imagination of mortals and yet still permitted it's pursuit.
Every man has his snow White. My mum whispered to me with a smile. We all have our Princes waiting to carry us away.
Dad guaranteed that however flighty my dreams were they were still anchored on things earthly and important.
Snow white was a beautiful girl with an even more beautiful Ass. Dad added. The reason why they called her Snow White was because every time she walked. You felt it was Christmas.
Snow? Christmas?
Get it?

I got it all right.
The whole idea behind romance and love. Dad's point was simple
It was okay to fall in love and live happily ever after but did you really want to do it with a mermaid who had an angry father in the Ocean? If I was going to fall in love with a girl she would have to be perfect.
She would have the hair of Rapunzel, and breasts of Sleeping beauty.
The reason why they called her Sleeping Beauty was because you wanted to sleep between those beauties.
Her Ass would rival Snow white's and she would have better vision and wits than little red Riding Hood.
Most importantly, she would not smell of fish.

When I first met Nina I knew she was the one I had been waiting for.

Smart, funny, incredibly beautiful with the softest of smiles she sent me tumbling down a long spiral well into the depths of love. She fitted the image I had been in love with for the last 23 years of my life. Falling in love with her was automatic.
We got married 5 months later.
A lovely Chapel on Serenity Avenue.
Nina was the perfect Princess that day. She was Snow White, Cinderella and a million other fairy tale princesses. She smelt of Jasmine and a hundred breadth of singing angels.
Every eye in the Chapel was on her that day.
Well, not every. The young priest in the Chancel kept giving me a funny look.
I suspected he was gay but I was in spirits too gay to care.

15 years went by without a hiccup.
"She is the best thing to ever happen to me." I told my buxom secretary often with a smile. “I could never leave her. No matter what she did. She could never hurt me or surprise me."
My Secretary gave me a smile. Like she had seen it all. Like nothing this good could last forever.
Maybe she was unto something.

Something started last week
Last week she left for a conference in Spain leaving me behind at home.
It was nothing strange. She had often traveled for conferences.
She left in a yellow cab for the airport. We both hated good byes. Riding out into the sunset in cab was a more fitting exit.
All was okay for 12 hours and then it wasn’t.

She had promised to call me once she landed in Spain but she didn’t.
I sat beside my phone for hours waiting for the call. It never came. I checked my phone a hundred times to make sure it was turned on. By the seventieth time I could feel the phone begin to frown at me.
Japanese phones and their elitist attitudes.
Ignoring it, I was just about to give up and call the airline when a beep from the computer alerted me to an incoming email.
It was from her.
"Hi dear. The networks here are jammed. I'm really sorry that I can’t call. Will try later. Love you"

I suppose if I had half the wits that she had, I should have realized that something was amiss.
But I didn’t and so I didn’t.
Assured with the shortest of sentences I returned to work and life as it was.
The week went on with little or no event.
She didn’t call after that but continued to keep me updated of her program. Her notes were short and brief. Almost as if she didn’t have time to talk to me. Faint undercurrents of resentment began to flutter in me.

"DO you think she is cheating on you?" My secretary asked with a chuckle as I told her my feelings. I felt like hitting those perfectly made lips of hers but I controlled myself and sent her on some errand.
My mind worked itself into overdrive.
Nina couldn’t be cheating on me. It didn’t make sense. Sleeping beauty never cheated on the prince. Not ever. There had to be an explanation for her silence. Why would she not call me? 5 days had gone by since her exit to Spain
What was she doing?
Who was she with?

And then she called me last night.
One minute the phone was there, silently laughing at my excesses and the next it was ringing.
“Hi dear." Her voice was high pitched. My shot nerves went a notch higher. We hadn’t been married for nothing. I knew when there was something wrong and I sensed it now.
“How are you?" I asked softly. I rubbed a hand across my brow. My skin was drenched with sweat.
“I’m fine." She replied slowly. "What about you? Where are you?"
“At home. Watching a movie. It's not the same without you."
I heard a voice in the background. It was low and faint. But it was there.
Definitely.
It definitely was a man’s.
“Oh Jack." She said to me. And the she hung up.

I sat down in shock.
That had been a man's voice. I was sure of it. The time was 8pm over here. 2 am in Spain. What was a man doing with my wife at 2 am. I wasn’t imagining it. There been a man talking in the background.
I stared at my cell phone in my hand and my blood had gone cold.
The number with which she had used to call me was still on the screen. It was a number I knew. We had called the same number 15 years ago when we had our honeymoon there.
It was the number of a Hotel on Serenity Avenue
Serenity Avenue!
What was she doing on Serenity Avenue? She was supposed to be in Spain not there. What was she doing at the hotel? Who was the man in the background? Why was she with him?
Why were they calling me from the Lobby of the Hotel Phoenixia on Serenity Avenue?
Why?

I felt my body grow cold.
"What’s wrong honey?" My secretary asked me. She cuddled me from behind rubbing her erect nipples against my sweaty back. She was requesting an encore. She was joking.
"Oh God." I groaned.
“What’s wrong Jack?" She repeated with alarm. She jumped of the. bed and looked at my face with concern. She was mostly naked. I stared at her red hair.
Most lies about Red head are false. The Curtains did match the Carpet.
She approached me. Sleeping Beauty boobs swung in front of my face.
It didn’t work this time.
I felt my Bean Stalk wilt.
"My wife just called.” I said to my secretary in a whisper.
My secretary raised an eyebrow in amusement. “How is Spain?”
I closed my eyes.
“She isn’t in Spain, Rani. She called me from the lobby of the Phoenixia."
My secretary,Rani, stared at me with shock.. She had the wits of Gretel on her.
“But that c..Can’t be She’s supposed to be in Spain. She can’t be at the Hotel Phoenixia. That means she’s in town..” Rani stammered. “That's on Serenity Avenue. That’s..."
Her face turned white.
"...Downstairs" I finished.
The doors of the hotel room crashed open and Nina walked in. Her face red with fury. Beside her were two men. One dressed like a private investigator and the other looked like a lawyer.
It was the scene from a familiar story.
Angry little red Riding Hood. The muscle man. The narrating lawyer beside her. A guilty wolf sitting across the room. Beside him rests a rather sexy Grandmother clad in the barest of lingerie which exposes a perfect set of breasts. A set which ,minutes before, he had been happily chewing on...
“You son of a bitch" She screamed lunging at me.
Little red riding Hood furious with the wolf...
I was familiar with this story.
And it didn’t end well for the wolf.

53 Comments:

  1. Orientatednaijababe said...
    I'M FIRST!!!
    Just stumbled on the part 2 by chance....

    I am really enjoying this.

    The plot is now coming together...nice work Carlang.
    Mz. Dee said...
    SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me go n read
    Mz. Dee said...
    Damn... Damn!!!!!!!!
    Datz all i can say.
    The twist was fantastic. Didn't see it comin. Great work Carlang.
    bumight said...
    i like the fairy tale background to it. great work! now, I'm beginning to put this together!
    Pink-satin said...
    top 5....yes!!u guys have digressed from the orinal line up..i think!!!
    Pink-satin said...
    wow!!!wat happens next!!!
    Shubby Doo said...
    7th tiwce today...not bad
    Shubby Doo said...
    This comment has been removed by the author.
    Shubby Doo said...
    lol @ Phoenixia...wasn't that the name you chose for the baby @ 1st carlang?!:-)

    ok...so i like the way you've woven the fairy tale angle into this...didn’t realise that those fairly tales were so...so...sexual...'The reason why they called her Sleeping Beauty was because you wanted to sleep between those beauties'...what?!!!...okay do little boys think like this really...wow!

    so the gay father married him and nina...then 15 years later nina catches him in bed with rani...eh ya...poor rani!...she wanted to portray herself as his sleeping beauty...grandma looking rani...guess he has the same taste in women as Wayne Rooney! LMAO
    sub-conscious said...
    dis is soo unbelievable... d stori is gettn hot! nice 1
    Patrice said...
    "The time was 8pm over here. 2 pm in Spain."

    Now I am totally disorientated. Is Phoenixia really somewhere in Asia?
    SMC said...
    Not bad, though one can notice clashes and sometimes contradictions in the different installments. Still intriguing nevertheless.
    Nice Anon said...
    lol@ wayne rooney. I like this whole concept alot.
    Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...
    lmao@patrice... you're too funny... na you sabi that one... I'm in LOVE with the name phoenixia(for reasons I wont bother going into)... I like this... I really like this... insightful and funny... the fairytale and disney character references are ingenious... fantastic writing.
    Atutupoyoyo said...
    I like the fact that you did not try and alter your own inimitable style in telling your story. Like a true master, one can almost spot a Carlang piece merely by reading a few lines.

    You already have a distinctive voice when so many writers spend a lifetime in pursuit of theirs.
    tee said...
    started off rather nicely but didn't end on a strong enough note. it was rather anti-climatic, in fact. it's very 'stream of consciousness' in some parts which isn't a bad thing but i think the rule with this is tell us only what we need to know. it just got too cluttered for my liking...as if you were trying too hard to be clever and/or include everything. still, you created a very different mood and i enjoyed living in it.

    x
    Naapali said...
    @ Carlang; you know how I feel about this one and your oeuvre. I also noticed the time zone discrepancy and assume by 2pm in Spain you meant 2 am (assuming the events unfold 6 hours west of Spain.

    @ tee; I think you miss the point. This is an experiment in storytelling and the writers are free to tell their stories in any manner they choose. Have you considered that what you call anticlimactic might be the writer's desired effect? As Atutu mentions in his comment, Carlang has found his voice and it is a distinctive one.
    Naapali said...
    "Most lies about Red head are false. The Curtains did match the Carpet."

    - lies and falsehood. carpets and curtains. precious!
    Sugabelly said...
    I love this. Honestly I do. A long time ago, I wrote. I would like to do so again. May I?
    Afrobabe said...
    Yes baby, you didnt dissapoint me one bit....

    yes yes yes....that was great...

    kind of feel sorry for the prince though...lol
    LG said...
    wooow!!!! it gets berra n berra
    thanks carlang
    my fav tho was,....I felt my Bean Stalk, lol!!!!(na wa o)
    ablackjamesbond said...
    Good! Great!! Undeniably Carlang...

    ...Carlang, did u go jogging on 14th Street?
    OluwaDee said...
    Wow, 9cly written.
    Didn't c that coming.
    Mommy said...
    lol @ ablackjamesbond...That was nice Carlang. erhmmm...did you go jogging on 14th...
    Parakeet said...
    What love means to most men, I will never understand. I hope she fries his blood for dinner. Mscheew!
    ablackjamesbond said...
    Househelp: Madam, wetin make i serve you for chop

    Madame Parakeet: Please give me plantain, fried in Oga's blood

    Househelp: Oga's blood? Madame me i no dey o

    Madame Parakeet: Will u shut up and go and fry the plaintain before i send you parking to your village

    After 15mins

    House help: Madame, i tink de tin don done.
    Omosewa said...
    Niceee, d beginning caught and held my attn.
    NigerianDramaQueen said...
    *What I like about this post is the fact that you made a turn on 14th and Serenity: instead of the unexpected twists and climatic endings, you did something different. You did you.
    *I like how you took a believable plot and intertwined it with a bit of fantasy, using fairy tale's with which we are all familiar. I also like the grammer you used. Instead of a series of complex words that would make us have to go to www.dictionary.com every 5seconds, you used grammer and a plot that is easily understandable. In the words of *Yarmama: 'Good writing excludes no one'...and this is good writing.
    *My favorite line: '...I could feel the phone begin to frown at me.Japanese phones and their elitist attitudes'- that was quite witty and hilarious.
    *My only question is this: are these stories supposed to be connected, or is each writer simply supposed to use the themes of '14th and Serenity'. While I do see somewhat of a connection between this story and *Catwalq's, From Scorned all the way up to this point, I am beginning to think that this can not work as a single thread. There has been two much drama for this to be one story: from transvestites, to twin sisters, to paper seeking cheaters...im a bit perplexed. Each post stands well on its own-but together, it might be a bit soap operish.
    *Ah well, Ill keep my fingers crossed.
    The Pseudo-Independent said...
    a great laid-back feel to this blog and at the same time a lightning bolt of ingenuity...great stuff
    Naijadude said...
    heheheh not until the end did one realize, the one we all thought was the chaser was actually the one being chased, dang!!
    Catwalq said...
    ndq: imagine the stories as independent entries in a book of short stories....with minor connections
    guerreiranigeriana said...
    nice, nice, nice...like atutu pointed out, you wrote this in true carlang form...i love, love the way you interwove the fairy tales!!!...fantastic...
    Ms Sula said...
    I love the ability of each writer to infuse so much of their particular style in the stories... Carlang managed to infuse this grim tale with some quirky humor... and I ate it up! Lol!

    "Japanese phones and their elitist attitudes"

    That line is too funny for words!


    These people are leading some pretty convoluted lives... Sex, it would be the death of us all....
    N.I.M.M.O said...
    @NDQ: Catwalq answered your question above.

    I really didnt see Carlang coming but then this was vintage Carlang even with the C.

    Nice job man!
    Aijay said...
    Carlangggggggggg!!!
    U got me... The twist was mad.
    I actually screamed. lol
    Good job man! u write so well.

    lol @Black007. U're such a clown!
    Jaycee said...
    woww....a web of lust and deceit betweeen twin sisters and a man...I still need to completely understand the story more...can't wait for it to be unraveled. Now I'm here trying to decipher who Nina, Rani, Jack, and the murderer are. And who the gay priest is...there's something oddly sinister about his past...hmmm...
    naijalines said...
    Distinctive style, ingenious use of familiar references. A single word to sum it up: Original.
    shalewa said...
    i like the twist.Obviosly,C stands for Creative Carlang.
    lol@blackjamesbond.u r funny.
    Jarrai said...
    The twist was amazing...mehn that is what i call TALENT!!!

    Well done...i am so hooked now.
    Smaragd said...
    CARLANG! the story had a trace of ur usual style which i totally heart!

    the fairy tale references make this piece the best so far for me.

    I mean u actually ran harmless fairy tale xters concurrently with these Hollywood type "dirty-doers" and brilliantly too, cuz u didnt taint the fairy tales for me (u left their perfection intacta).

    pls who's next?
    Smaragd said...
    I see Atutu sees the same thing i have seen in ur writing.

    keep it up Carl, i'll def buy a book by u any day!
    Smaragd said...
    Black 007, o serious o this man! make sure u behave with madam, else u could be so closely meshed with dodo too...lol
    30+ said...
    Simply Fabulous.
    The twist, the play on words, pure pleasure to read.
    The experiences of an achiever....... said...
    Carlang!!!!!!!! that twist was fantastic! u write incredibly well..argh! i'm falling in love all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol!
    Olamild said...
    Holy Molly!
    Yessie said...
    this is too fabulous :)
    Mocha said...
    I LOVE this!!
    I love the humour, the twists and turns and how it all comes back and just jumps out at you!!

    Niiiiiccccceeee one Carlang.

    I see it all coming together..
    exschoolnerd said...
    i really enjoyed this...i actually thought it was the wife cheating.a nice read.hmm u had me...i lov this blog.love the way u write..
    Mamalicious said...
    wow, fantastic!
    i didnt see that end coming.
    great stuff
    Mamalicious said...
    wow, fantastic!
    i didnt see that end coming.
    great stuff
    Iwalewa McDaniels said...
    love the suspense. didn't see it coming at all.
    Standtall said...
    So who is cheating on who? Dont bohter answering I know. Keep it coming
    Barbarella123 said...
    Fantastic twist at the end. Never would have seen that coming.. This is my fav piece for now..

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